Begin by asking yourself “Why this behavior is happening?”

Is the person afraid? Hungry? Bored? In pain? Scared? Excited? Overwhelmed? Tired? Trying to perform an old habit? Doing a routine from the past?

The next question is addressed to the person with dementia.

“Why are you trying to leave house/empty all the milk containers/call the police, etc.?

Often this simple question sheds light on the problem and offers a solution. Of course, sometimes the person doesn’t know or cannot express why they are doing something. That’s when we need to try to be the interpreter or investigator.

For instance, if a person with dementia stops washing their hair, look at the situation surrounding showering. Was the bathroom recently remodeled with a new shower head? Maybe the person used to always shower in the morning and now you have changed their schedule and insisted that they shower at night. If we find out why the behavior is happening, we can change the environment to solve the behavior.

Often when responding to someone’s behaviors, care partners react by removing the item that is being used inappropriately or by restricting movement because of safety concerns. This is not always the best solution for someone with dementia. For example, if your loved one tries to leave the house every morning and argues with you when you ask him or her to stay in the house, your immediate reaction might be to lock all the doors. Instead, ask, “Why is my wife leaving the house? Is there something in the house that is bothering her? Would she like to work in the garden? Would she like to go for a walk? Perhaps in the past, was she in the habit of leaving for work or walking the dog right after breakfast?

If at first you don’t succeed, try again…

Next, try testing some solutions. Rather than trying to restrict her from leaving the house, try scheduling a short walk every morning right after breakfast and time in the back yard after lunch.

Here is another example.
Your husband is upsetting you because he fidgets with all of the kitchen appliances, clocks, alarm clocks, phones, mixers, etc., and he has already broken one alarm clock and a toaster. Your first instinct might be to put away all of the appliances and clocks out of sight. However, if you stop to consider why your husband might be doing this, you may come to the conclusion that he is bored. If he has always liked fixing things, maybe that is why he is behaving like this. It could be that he wants to feel useful or helpful. Try setting up a small table in the kitchen or family room with items from the thrift store that your husband can fix for you. It would be wise to set up this space close to where the care partner spends time if safety is a concern.

Of course, some problems are not so simple to solve. Instead of removing objects or restricting movements, always look for a reason for the behavior and a way to let the person engage in a meaningful activity. Most behaviors are often a response to a need to be active, safe, useful, or busy.

Don’t

X Assume the person is behaving in a certain way on purpose

X Ignore the person

X Become angry, yell, punish or scold the person

X Speck to the person as if they were a very young child

X Talk about the person while he or she is in the room

X Assume that the person is confused all of the time

X Point out everything the person cannot do

X Quiz the person about facts, details, or person’s names