The Power of Communication

Communication TipsTips for communication at home

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Moments We Relate To

Marion was getting ready to meet a longtime friend Bonnie for lunch. She was supposed to wait outside of her apartment building on the side walk. Her husband was out running errands. She was eagerly anticipating this outing and dressed herself in one of her favorite sweaters and matching jewelry. All was going well until it was time to leave. She could not remember how to put on her coat. She had several coats from which to choose, but no, she could not remember how to put on any of them. Anxiety over took her. It was cold out, she had to wait outside, and there was no one home to help her put on her coat. “I’m still me,” she thought to herself “but I can’t figure out how to put on my coat.” When her friend arrived, she was cold, flustered and stammering. She was unable to explain what she needed or how she was feeling. Seeing her friend’s distress, Bonnie reached out and embraced her in a tight hug. That simple gesture of love melted away the anxiety. Sometimes we can’t fix the situation, but we can reach out with kindness to another.


Sound familiar? Everyone goes through similar challeges, but the way we need to approach them may be different.  Let’s get started finding your just right.

Communicate Effectively

To have the most success during activities and conversations with people with dementia, care partners will need to adjust their style of communication so it is easier for the person with dementia to understand and follow the conversation. Here are some tips that will ensure success.

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Written by Jennifer Brush, MA, CCC/SLP

Sometimes it is hard to remember that our loved one with dementia is struggling each day to communicate with us. Here are some points to remember about communication and dementia:

  • The person is trying very hard to make sense of what is going on in the environment.
  • The person may be embarrassed, scared or frustrated about not understanding conversations or directions.
  • The person is not forgetting information on purpose or trying to annoy you.
  • The person may not be aware of one’s own actions or behaviors.
  • The person with dementia is an adult with a lifetime of experiences and adult desires and needs. We should always treat people like adults, not children.

Here are some tips for communicating with someone with dementia:

  • Find a quiet space with a small group of people.
  • Be calm and positive.
  • Approach them slowly from the front.
  • Make eye contact.
  • Be okay with silence.
  • Allow time for a person to think of words rather than jumping in to suggest words for them.
  • Use touch to help initiate an activity. For example, place your hand over the other person’s hand, pick up a pitcher of juice and assist them in pouring the juice into a cup.
  • Use touch to provide comfort or direction.
  • Try and validate their thoughts, feelings and concerns. Validating does not mean agreeing. It means saying things like, “That sounds like it was very scary,” or “That would make me mad too.”
  • Try and go with their version of events and validate the emotions behind the content of what they are saying. For example, they may believe their child is coming to see them later in the day, and you know their child is not. Ask questions about their child instead of arguing with them that their child is not coming. Tell a story about your own child and then try and redirect to an activity that meets the emotional need. Maybe help them write a letter to their child.
  • Speak with simple, clear, brief and direct words.
  • Use pictures, writings and gestures to convey meaning.
  • Give one direction at a time and demonstrate exactly what you would like the person to do.
  • Ask yes/no questions, such as, “Would you like to set the table with me?”
  • Give choices, such as, “Would you like to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?
  • Never quiz, argue with or confront a person with dementia.

Use the Right Approach

  1. Say hello and state your name (if the person has trouble with names.)
  2. Notice something about them. For example, say you like their shirt, or that someone told you that they 
like sailing.
  3. Ask a question about what you noticed, such as, “This color blue in your shirt is my favorite. Do you have a favorite color?” or, “I don’t know how to sail, is it hard to learn?” The key here is to ask a question that is interesting to them, but not one they need to use recall to answer. For example, you might not want to say “I heard you like sailing. When did you start sailing?” because that question requires recall.
  4. They may answer questions with short words but not ask you questions back. That is okay! You can continue to ask simple questions or tell them a story from your life or about something you have read about the topic you are talking about.
Some people with dementia may not talk much, or they may have one-word responses. This is fine, and yet it can feel uncomfortable to not have a conversation that goes back and forth. Also, some people have a hard time paying attention to a conversation at all.

So, look for aids to conversation in your environment to help you:

Talk about a piece of art on the wall. “I love the color in this painting. What colors do you see in this painting? What do you think that dog is looking at?” Asking them questions about art is a great way to engage in conversation because the art prompts words, images and memories for the person. Take their answers as they come. Do not correct the person, whatever they say about the artwork is fine. Coffee table books with photos of topics they love are great aids to conversation and connection.

A Success Story

John started hitting care partners whenever they brushed his hair. After observing, we realized that care partners would often be kind and cheerful talking to him, but at the same time start brushing his hair after getting dressed, without telling him what they were doing. The care partners started telling John that they were going to brush his hair and asking him if that was okay. John stopped hitting his care partners.

Montessori for Dementia

Hand in Hand at Home

There are simple things you can do to transform your home into a supportive place that helps your loved one with dementia function better. We are going to show you just how to do it.

What is Dementia?

Dementia isn't a specific disease. Instead, dementia describes a group of symptoms affecting memory, thinking and social abilities severely enough to interfere with daily functioning.

Transforming Your Home

The best home environment is one that supports the abilities of the people living there.

Declutter

Understand the negative impact of clutter and take steps to improve the home environment.

Enhance Lighting

Simple changes in lighting can be made in the home to help your loved one function more independently and sleep better.

Support Memory

Support Memory

Create a memory center in your home to reduce confusion and foster wellbeing.

Communicate Effectively

Use a style of communication that is easier for the person with dementia to understand and follow conversations.

Understand Behaviors

Make sense of unexpected behaviors and learn how to prevent them.

Walking About

Tips for understanding and preventing walking about as well as information about how to choose a locating device.

The Power of Choice

Given them every opportunity to make informed choices about their care, leisure time, clothing, food and anything else that affects their life.

Power of Purpose

We all need a reason to get out of bed each day. People with dementia need to know their life has meaning and purpose.

Hiring Home Care

Learn how to ease the transition to additional care partners find out what questions to ask.

Self-Care

Advice for taking care of yourself, learning how and where to ask for help and scheduling breaks from caregiving.

Get Started!

You can do this! Take one step at a time. Follow these steps to get started.